Donuts, coffee, and our real
Canadians are known for being polite,
drinking coffee, and eating donuts. At one time we were known for
our gallant red clad Mounties, but that day has sadly faded into
quiet historical dimness. Our national sport, as far as we allow
others to know, is Hockey. Wonderful, glorious hockey, our sport
taking other nations by storm.
But I, Humble Hannah, am here to let
the truth be known! In Northern Ontario we have a secret and
delicious little sport that we hold oh so dear to our pattering
little hearts. Northerner's beware, soon all will
know what we really do for fun. Here on the page of this
virtual doodad I will expose us in ways undreamed of. If you feel
unable to face the truth in all it's apprehensive splendor, you should
choose this very moment to visit Timmy's for coffee and a
yummy walnut crunch.
Still here? Darling, you were
What do Northerner's really do
for fun! Why.... we complain! We complain about our weather,
(not that I ever would), we complain about our politicians,
we complain about government cutbacks in services and complain about
tax hikes otherwise. We complain about our roads, our health care
system (which is after all only one of the world's best, but we all
politicians could do better if only they had the interest),
our Canadian TV programs, our educational system, and most of all we
complain about all those damned people out there who do simply
nothing but complain!
We are good at it. We revel in is
subtleties. We push it to new and breath gasping heights. And most
of all, we practice!
I challenge anyone, from any nation, to meet us head to head for a debate about who has it
worse in life. Hands down us poor Canadians will show you thoroughly
and without a shred of mercy just how dreadful we do have it. You
may try to tell us we have great pristine expanses of wilderness and
we will remind you how long it takes to get anywhere. And then
we will go on to add information about the neck wrenching
condition of our roads, the high price of petrol, we will explain
how the salt needed in winter eats away at our automobiles, we will
tell you that people get lost and even die every year in all that
wilderness. My! How little you knew. You may try to say
"still.... your country is so very beautiful." Beautiful you say?
What is beautiful? Lots of places are beautiful! Beautiful means you
have to pay taxes to keep it clean, beautiful means there's nothing
to do up here, beautiful means there's no place to go.
You will be left stunned, ashamed, and
indebted to the universe to be living elsewhere. Anywhere but here!
In what you
previously thought was a large, beautiful, rich, polite country with
one of the worlds highest standards of living and finest quality of
Ha! How little you knew, poor misguided visitor that you were. You will be overwhelmed with pity for us, you will try to offer
suggestions, helpful tidbits, pathways out of our woeful and
pot-hole filled reality. And will we take your suggestions to heart,
will we listen and dare to hope? Ha again I say! Never! Should we
leave, should we change one iota of our existence, should we try to
look more kindly upon things.... why good gads man, what would
we do then? Go back to playing hockey?