Special Features
Donuts, coffee, and our real national pastime
Canadians are known for being polite, drinking coffee, and eating donuts. At one time we were known for our gallant red clad Mounties, but that day has sadly faded into quiet historical dimness. Our national sport, as far as we allow others to know, is Hockey. Wonderful, glorious hockey, our sport taking other nations by storm.
But I, Humble Hannah, am here to let the truth be known! In Northern Ontario we have a secret and delicious little sport that we hold oh so dear to our pattering little hearts. Northerner's beware, soon all will know what we really do for fun. Here on the page of this virtual doodad I will expose us in ways undreamed of. If you feel unable to face the truth in all it's apprehensive splendor, you should choose this very moment to visit Timmy's for coffee and a yummy walnut crunch.
Still here? Darling, you were warned...
What do Northerner's really do for fun! Why.... we complain! We complain about our weather, (not that I ever would), we complain about our politicians, we complain about government cutbacks in services and complain about tax hikes otherwise. We complain about our roads, our health care system (which is after all only one of the world's best, but we all know our politicians could do better if only they had the interest), our Canadian TV programs, our educational system, and most of all we complain about all those damned people out there who do simply nothing but complain!
We are good at it. We revel in is subtleties. We push it to new and breath gasping heights. And most of all, we practice!
I challenge anyone, from any nation, to meet us head to head for a debate about who has it worse in life. Hands down us poor Canadians will show you thoroughly and without a shred of mercy just how dreadful we do have it. You may try to tell us we have great pristine expanses of wilderness and we will remind you how long it takes to get anywhere. And then we will go on to add information about the neck wrenching condition of our roads, the high price of petrol, we will explain how the salt needed in winter eats away at our automobiles, we will tell you that people get lost and even die every year in all that wilderness. My! How little you knew. You may try to say "still.... your country is so very beautiful." Beautiful you say? What is beautiful? Lots of places are beautiful! Beautiful means you have to pay taxes to keep it clean, beautiful means there's nothing to do up here, beautiful means there's no place to go.
You will be left stunned, ashamed, and indebted to the universe to be living elsewhere. Anywhere but here! In what you previously thought was a large, beautiful, rich, polite country with one of the worlds highest standards of living and finest quality of life. Ha! How little you knew, poor misguided visitor that you were. You will be overwhelmed with pity for us, you will try to offer suggestions, helpful tidbits, pathways out of our woeful and pot-hole filled reality. And will we take your suggestions to heart, will we listen and dare to hope? Ha again I say! Never! Should we leave, should we change one iota of our existence, should we try to look more kindly upon things.... why good gads man, what would we do then? Go back to playing hockey?
Signed cordially,
Humble Hannah
