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A Match Made in Heaven?
This couple looks so obviously happy together. Their story reads like a True Romance novel. Full of romance, self sacrifice, obstacles, pain, loyalty, and of course, true love. There's even a happy ending.
They first met, barely, in high school. Ten years later they re-met again, and were both immediately struck by what they smilingly say was "love at first sight". But one of them was in a relationship already. They did not date, cheat, sneak around, or betray anyone. In time that relationship ended. It was not until months afterwards that they saw each other again, but on that very night, now learning they were both single, they became a couple. A year later, still together, they set up house together. They started saving money to buy their own home, but one dreamed of owning a business. The other sacrificed his own lifelong dream of buying a house, and his own career in nursing, to buy the business his love desired, and help to run it. They lived in a basement apartment for six more years to save enough, a second time, for their home together. They tell fond stories of the anniversary where they did not have the money to do something special, and how they could only celebrate with dinner at McDonald's. That's an anniversary they both remember clearly and seem to cherish as something that only brought them closer. Now after twelve years, after many years of working together daily, and through the ups and downs of any relationship, they are still together. Still obviously in love and happy. Two people who show a great respect and regard for each other, two people who are kind to one another, support and honour one another, and display friendship in the very finest sense of the word. Now, finally, they are engaged to be married and are planning their wedding.
But on their wedding day, it will be the first time either of their families will have ever seen them touch or kiss.
There is a part of me that experiences great sadness in knowing that. These two people display all the best qualities of what relationships should be. They are not together out of religious guilt or necessity or duty, not to keep the family together for the kids, not because they can't afford a divorce.
They are together because things like love, loyalty, and respect mean something to them. But they are gay. A same sex couple. Out of concern and love for their families, to avoid upsetting anyone, or subjecting the people they love to things they may find distressful, they have never touched one another, held hands, or kissed the other on the cheek while in their company.
I experienced a very small taste of what these men live with during an interview I once conducted with them which led to this article. During the interview the phone rang, the woman on the line asking questions about the owner of the bar and his family. While not meaning to listen, we could hardly do otherwise standing only a few feet from the telephone. The short version of a rather strange sounding conversation is this... someone was researching her family tree, needed information, thought she might be related, but was terrified that these gay men might find out who she was! She would not say her name, or give out anything private about her life, even to help her own cause, and even though she felt free to ask some very personal questions of her own. Questions which were answered patiently and as helpfully as possible. I felt nearly shamed, to be another heterosexual female, by their kind response.
I personally do not understand the patience of these two men! But I have come to like their innate sense of joy, and the wonderful concern they show for other people.
I would like to introduce you to Jean Paul Pelletier and fianc� Gilles Gervais. Together they own and run Zig's Bar in downtown Sudbury Ontario.
Zig's (taken from Gilles high school nickname) is Northern Ontario's only gay bar and as such is the centre of a large community, with visitors coming from all over our province, and other places, to stop a while. It is also a place where you'll find as many, or more, straight people as gays hanging out simply because it's such a comfortable place to be. It may sound odd to some, but it's kind of a pleasant, clean, "family" sort of place much of the time. Of course they have the, ahhh..., more interesting nights too, like during their yearly Halloween costume party or the annual drag queen contest, when Zig's can be as flamboyant and colourful and outrageous as you'd care to enjoy. As for the Hollywood version of a gay bar, all black leather and in your face sexuality, I've not seen that myself, nor have the owners, they laughingly told me.
These guys work hard in their community to support things that count, such as AIDS education and prevention, and teen initiatives. They host regular fund raisers collecting thousands for local organizations, and open their back room in the bar, free of charge, to groups and clubs needing a place to meet. Gay or straight, by the way, all are welcome to use it.
They show a sense of responsibility to not only the gay community but to anyone needing a safe harbour in life. They stay open on holidays, even Christmas, to offer a place of friendship to those alone or without another place to go.
Sometimes they are irritated with their community, with the lack of support or encouragement that the community could be showing them. Love or hate them, agree with lifestyles or not, they are a unique establishment in the North and could be promoted to encourage visitors and tourism. But they are generally ignored.
They get tired of being the ones to call for political statements about "gay issues", and they look forward to a world that is no longer concerned with such distinctions.
They hate the intolerance and violence often shown to the "out" gay members of the community.
So they are only human after all. Pretty much like any of us as it turns out. Who would have thought?
Congratulations Gilles and JP. All that's left is the Happily Ever After.
Words to help the directories find this page...
Zig's Bar, Sudbury Ontario
Gay Marriage in Ontario
Gay Weddings in Ontario
A Gay Couple's Wedding Day
Gay Bars, Ontario
Gay Pride in Ontario
Gay, Bisexual, and Straight Bars
Being Gay in Ontario
Where to go in Sudbury Ontario
Bars in Sudbury Ontario
Nightlife in Sudbury Ontario
