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A Match Made in Heaven- Part Two, They Did It!
After twelve years of friendship and love Gilles and JP, owners of Zig's Bar in Sudbury Ontario, were married in a legally binding ceremony in front of friends and family on July 04, 2005.
The wedding was small, tasteful, and held in their bar which had been transformed into a private grotto of glittering white lights and shimmering white flowers.
Family and friends attended the joyful celebration that was the culmination and representation of many years of dedication and commitment between these two men.
JP looked a bit nervous beforehand; I got the feeling that had much more to do with having all those people watching him than it had to the fact that he was about to get married! Gilles just looked happy, the grin rarely leaving his face... except for a few short moments when the crowd was watching, the music was playing, and he had nothing to do... but wait.
Then the waiting was over and suddenly the deed was done. The vows were made, rings changed hands, papers were signed and witnessed and a new couple, bound together always by their love and now bound together by the new laws of this great country, stood there before us. Happy, a little shy and overwhelmed perhaps; their families smiling in support and love.
The evening was filled with the same consideration these men show in everything. The food, the so tasty food, was served in never ending rounds by charming people trying to stuff you senseless it seemed. And... when was the last time you went to a wedding where you could order any drink you wanted, absolutely anything, and have it made, to perfection, within seconds? I hate weddings. Or at least I used too. I am thinking, now, I have just never been to a good one before! Who knew? It was a, truly, lovely night.
But...
As I stood watching these two... nice men taking legal vows to spend the rest of their lives together I felt a deep sense of disorientation and shame. I've spent my life living in what I've always considered countries that were free and forward thinking and fair to all their citizens. And yet this event, this marriage, could not have happened until very recently. And it could still only happen in three countries on this planet. Three!
Two people in love who had proved their loyalty and commitment to each other through twelve years of what for all practical purposes has been a marriage, have been unable, until tonight, to enjoy the same rights and protections for their relationship that I have never had to give a second thought.
I can marry any time I want. With as much forethought, care, and responsibility as it would take to hire a few minutes in a Las Vegas marriage chapel, with a stranger, between rounds at the casino next door.
That this ceremony I watched between two loving, responsible people would have been no more legally binding than a dramatic production at a local theater only a short while ago left me physically and literally dizzy with the implications of it! I have known for a long time the unfairness of our laws defining what a marriage is allowed to be, but I have not known what it really meant. Why, how!, can the religious opinions of anyone dictate a law that affects others, who do not share that faith based belief, is beyond my understanding of right and wrong. And beyond my understanding of Christian charity and love. It makes no more sense to me than saying that since my neighbor thinks driving red cars is too sexy and incites others to lust, (others, as in himself, perhaps?) there should be a law that says I cannot legally drive red colored cars! Huh?
I have heard many Christians talk about the "insanity" of Islamic laws, how rights are infringed upon, how atrocities can occur when the religious opinions of some create the civil laws that govern the lives of all, no matter the spiritual beliefs of the others involved. I've heard it called unfair, barbaric, cruel, wrong. And yet it seems to be those same voices that are raised to stop legal gay marriages, based solely on their own personal belief that it's just not nice. This must be one of those glass house and tossing stones sets of circumstances!
I wanted to run to Gilles and JP after the ceremony and apologize for my thickheadness in not really appreciating the discrimination and unfairness they've had to live with all their lives. Right here in Canada! This great land of freedom, human rights, charity, and fairness for all has been none of those things for these two hard working, generous, and polite citizens. But I did not apologize. It was not the time or place. It was a time of long awaited fulfillment of a dream two men have shared; it was an evening of joy, promise, and perhaps... it was even an evening of freedom, human rights, charity, and fairness. Congratulations Gilles and JP!
Congratulations Canada. I am prouder of you tonight than I have ever been.
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