Special Features & Editorials - Girls Who Bully
What is a Bully?
Bullying isn't always as straightforward as being punched or shoved by someone - bullies can be clever and very sneaky.
You may consider yourself a bully if you
- call someone names
- say or write nasty things about people
- leave people out of group activities
- try to turn others against someone
- laugh at them in social situations
- have sent unpleasant emails to someone
- tell stories or cruel jokes about someone
- have tried to ruin their reputation
- threaten them
- make them feel uncomfortable or scared
- take or damage their things
- hit or kick them
- or make them do things they don't want to do
How girls bully others
Physical
Girls use physical bullying much less than boys although some girls are seen pushing, tripping, or poking others. Girls tend to play in smaller, tight knit groups and tend to use verbal or relational bullying to a much greater extent and in a much more powerful way than physical bullying.
Physical bullying can include hitting, shoving, throwing things, intentionally staining clothing, pinching, etc.
Verbal
Verbal abuse is the most popular form of bullying with both sexes. It is easy to get away with even in the presence of parents, teachers, or coaches, can cause maximum long term pain, and can be done quickly and without much effort on the part of the bully. It's efficient.
It can take the form of cruel criticisms, abusive remarks, intimidating emails, nasty rumours, taunting (see below), etc.
This form of bullying can be the first step toward more vicious or degrading behaviour.
Relational
This is often the hardest type of bullying to detect. There are no bruises to see, no name calling yelled across the playground to hear. It's a "systematic diminishment of a bullied child's sense of self through ignoring, isolating, excluding, or shunning."
It can take the form of remarks or lies made to others about someone. "You don't want to hang around with her, she says the most awful things about you." "She's such a loser, if you're seen with her everyone's going to think you're a loser too!" It will often include subtle gestures or body language that clearly conveys the bully's message such as rolling the eyes or laughing when someone walks by.
This form of bullying will include things such as making a point of not inviting someone to a party, including all others in a club outing except for the bullied girl, excluding them from sleepovers, birthday parties, or group games.
This one is hard to pin down. The bully can innocently say she simply does not like another girl, why should she invite her to things, and since she of course has the right to like or dislike anyone, she is correct in the statement itself. But this type of bullying is not done in an innocent desire to just avoid someone you don't like. It's done with the intent to hurt, to isolate, and to turn others away from the bullied girl and to destroy friendships. The bullied girl may not even hear the remarks but will quickly feel their effects when her friends start to avoid her or when she is left out of group situations and doesn't understand why.
What is the Difference between Teasing and Taunting?
(as supplied by the Government of Canada Bullying Fact Sheet)
It is often difficult to differentiate playful teasing and psychological bullying. What may be hurtful to one person may not be at all painful to another.
Taunting is based on an imbalance of power and is one sided; teasing allows the teaser and person teased to swap roles.
Taunting is intended to harm; teasing isn�t.
Teasing maintains the basic dignity of everyone involved; taunting can be humiliating, cruel, demeaning or bigoted.
Taunting directs laughter at the target, not with the target; teasing intends to get everyone to laugh.
Teasing is innocent in motive; taunting is sinister in motive.
Most importantly, teasing stops when the person being teased becomes upset or objects; taunting continues.
